"A big call, but plausible" says correspondent umooku, given the glaring evidence in front of him that day, ... for sure ... still a groovin' inside his head ... "assuming of course such an idea as 'greatest band ever' does in fact have any meaning .."

Who else would you name as your favourite? Hey Mook? Big Star? The Wiggles? The Gunner's? AC/DC - (no I din't wanna live in a Rock n' Roll Ghetto) The Cure? (Herr Rollins nearly pukes up his own vitriol) The Beatles? (oh no - not Bloody PoP! Music mate ...)

Who was it said, 'nothing is better, nothing is best'?
Dylan
Doesn't count Bob Dylan's not a band he's a singer. The errrr .... The BAND ... maybe ..

That's right Ronnie - tell em' how I feel -tell em' how I feel -

Don't you doubt the Stooges brother or you will fail.

Welcome to my world.

BIG DAY OUT - Melbourne - 2006

• The TICKET

  As per usual the Ticket was sehr expensive for this event, you can justify it on a bands for buck basis but if the bill don't cut it then go to a couple of out of festival shows, or both if the budget stretches. I buy a ticket while I'm flush, putting obligational trip to Tassie at risk. No news of Stooges out of BDO gig, missed MC5 due to trip to Uluru, missed Motorhead because Motley Crue were too big a call, so I'm there. Gone a bought a ticket haven't I, Polyester I recall.

  Weeks later some klown writes a bit in the AGE about Elvis Costello and as if wanking himself stupid over Elvis' efforts with an orchestra is not enough, he attempts to put the boots into the Iggster as if to elaborate his pointless point. BDO - A stale ritual - maybe - but what about the orchestra scene? The Stooges - gunna hack out some oldies - all gem's my man - all gem's - only two chords? that's one too many in my book - sod it - if you'se hate The Stooges you're a poor poor man - goddamitt - playing with an orchestra nowadays is about as innovative as using a pay phone to dial a taxi.

  Last time I saw Iggy was in Perth in the late eighties with some lame rent a band in a basketball stadium. It was O.K. I guess. He seemed like a frustrated angry man screaming at his band to crank it up and kicking the foldback speakers around in frustration. Steve Jones hadn't made it though he was rumored to be on guitar and didn't show. I got a lift home with some well to do yuppie's who were awfully dissapointed not to have heard the hit (Cry for Love) but for me it was no great loss. The evening was summed up for me by hanging at the bar ordering a beer while Search and Destroy played on in the background with no intensity at all.

• You can walk there from here

  Part of the attraction for the event was that it was walking distance from home at Princes Park in the shadow of Optus Oval (sod the Dome boss - put some shows on here) It was not unlike those trips to the footy (yo - it is sad indeed those days or gorn) except possible culprits could be spotted in the inevitable rock merchandise (I went with my faded LOVE T-Shirt and me Black denim jacket an K for commitment Carlton Soccer Club Cap with the Dead Moon patch cos' today is gunna be the last revenge of the tail end baby boomers) or in tank tops and a water bottle. Me, I was gunna get hot alright but I wasn't gunna burn. No pack, no camera, just my mobile, my brain and a bit of spending money.

• A well ordered queue had formed all the way along Royal Parade.

  Yeah, revolution starts now ... not in Australia mate ... as usual bad organisation is tolerated with good grace ... for some unfathonable reason there is only one entry and it is way down the road. Vendors flog cheap tshirts of band's who didn't make it on to the bill, COG, Millecon and whoevere else has been chewed up and spat out by this huge machine whose wheels I'm a greasin'. Noones gunna lose their spot in the queue though. The are no fights, not even a scuffle - punters discuss who they are gunna see, who's gunna rock and who's a certain dud. Early favourites sure to rock appeared to be The Mars Volta and a couple of locals - Beasts of Bourbon to be sure and as for the highly rated Fran Ferdinanz they were the great unknown - The Stooges - a true wild card.

• The whole place was fenced of in the manner of a WWII pow camp.

  The only thing missing was a pack of alsations roaming the perimeter. No wonder the residents were pissed off. The security guards looked soft and fuzzy in their twee black slacks and flouro t-shirts, they coulda even been thoses guys who phone in the middle of the day with some special offer. No self styled militia in tats and tank tops for this top corprate gig, one size fits all private security. Yeah, well I'm standing in line like a sheep wating to be mulesed but I don't care. All disbelief is suspended. Still I figure I'll catch up with the odd soul or two from the dark distant past.

• Check bags, empty all bottles, synchronise watches ....

  The man on the louder speaker say's if you wanna get pissed you've gotta get a black band. This is always good for the first larf of the day. If you wanna get treated like a child then this is the place to be. That's cool though - kids seven years and up come to this thing.

  From a distance you hear the din of several stages at once making a weird asychnorous throb. First stage in my radar is the Local Produce stage where a hard core of devotees give their local favourites a go. Cutting edge if you live in a cave, Industry potential favourites for suck-sess if you're cynical, crap if you don't care.

• I was horrified to discover that beer was $6.00 a pop or in BDO currency two drink tickets

  Spirits 3 tickets to looking like the Magic Numbers - chips - $4.00 a small bucket - other food - mostly meat and donuts except for The Hare Krishna stall - but nothing resmbling a good veggie burger except possibly the hotdogs or the corn cobs in mock pork fat - - I was beginning to wish I'd brought my lunch.

  A big country fair style tent was set up for shade. Someone runs around doing high fives, people want to connect, a big worried looking guy asks me if I'm hot, "no, thanks, I just got here" I say awkwardly as if I was some kind of latter day Ramone like figure sticking his finger up at the heat.

  I don't have a big list of must sees. Late inclusion Rollin's will be good for a larf. Maybe Sleater Kinney although they only lasted one tape rotation in the car. Better than the Stooges - they're banned apparently. Well, the Stooges obviously. If I wasn't so broke (or so tight?) I'd buy the Tshirt for a hefty $40.00 as many obviously have but Mr Pop and his mates will have to sing for their supper if they want any more of my hard earned. Mudvane so they can be punished if they blow the P.A. like they did in Sydney and of course just to witness cultural phenomona. The highly rated White Stripes and Fran Ferdernanz, hard to miss with The Stooges sandwiched inbetween.

• who
• faker
• bit by bats
• mudvane
• sleater kinney

• youth group eh? The O.C.? ... apparently they're rumored to have said Hey Mook was Australia's greatest undiscovered band. Join the cue suckers.

• magic numbers
• rollins
• However, unlike Hank, Hey Mook were never asked to be part of the Big Day Out Festival or even the more modest Harvest Festival. However like Hank, somone's got it in for us but we don't know who it is. Could it be John Howard. Just like Black Flag half the band probably hate the bass player.
• Stooges

  The Stooges are here in Australia on their first tour as a band following on the heels of their US tour.

• White Stripes
• Shihad

Winners are grinners

In conclusion, all I can really say is that if you were in town and you didn't go, and espeacially if you went to see Lisa Miller as some sort of ultimate look at my good taste protest or worse still watched the one day cricket as some sort of empty I hate corporations protest or were just so ill informed you didn't know that the stooges were playing or any other of a myriad of lame excuses, I feel sorry for you. If you did go and you got up front for Fran Ferdinanz then all I can say is that you are a loser.

Some punters in a desperate attempt to save a few quid apparently lined up outside in Royal Parade to catch a sound or two but I'm afraid that out there it's the sounds of many stages merging.

UMOOKU 2006 a.d.

post script

doing my regular clippings from the papers has revealed that The Age still thinks the Big Day Out was at Optus Oval - formerly known as Princes (not Princess Dumbkopf) Park for the benifit of you foriegners who don't know nothin'